Confidence. It’s definitely something most of us have had an issue with at one point or another. You may still even be dealing with it, I for sure know that its an issue I deal with daily.
For me, I definitely think my confidence started well after I left high school. I wasn’t exactly the nicest looking apple in the orchard, and as much as I told myself that something as superficial as looks was just silly to get myself worked up over, well, its easier said than done. In the media, we constantly see websites or magazines try to tell us what’s hot and whats not, and that sort of thing effects everyone, whether they know its effecting them or not.
Now I’m the first to admit, that I’ve judged people on their looks, everyone has done it, especially when you were younger and didn’t know the consequences of doing so, but, I grew up, and realised the effects it can have on peoples mental wellbeing, because it has an effect on mine.
I personally am trying to get back into shape, not to please anyone, but to please myself, as I use to be in such good shape prior to going to uni. However, a lot of society, especially in the gay community, feel that they aren’t worthy of things like a partner, companionship, love, even a hello, because, they’re not one of the “attractive gays”.
I know that its very much the same for people all across the board, gay or straight, everyone has body issues, and everyone feels that they need to live up to a certain image society has, its true, sad but true.
Recently, I had seen a photo on Instagram, or possibly Facebook, in regards to getting into shape for Mardi Gras here in Sydney. The photo was pretty much made up of typical fit men, with six packs, big arms, the lot. Its this sort of stuff that gives people body issues and make them constantly think that they are not good enough! Though it really only became evident to me at Mardi Gras, looking back, I can remember so many times where out in gay clubs, guys with a certain physique and body type are very much in your face about it.
When I go out, I have now noticed that men have their tops off a lot in the clubs. This is more a frequent occurrence here in Sydney than back home, and originally, I thought nothing of it. But now it is clear to me. Now I can’t speak as to why they do that, sure clubs get hot and you sweat, so they might very well be doing it to cool down or whatever, though some may do it to assert themselves as the Alpha Dogs, to show that they have the looks and that they aren’t afraid to show it. To have everyones eyes on them, and only them. Its sad really, how lonely, and quite frankly, insecure they must be to have to have to resort to such methods cause they think its the only way that they can get attention. Thats just my personal view on how it appears, and it definitely makes me self conscious about myself and my body, wishing I could look that good. Which isn’t the best mindset for me, or anyone, to be down on yourself.
I wholeheartedly think that this is something people forget. They seem to not realise that, yeah, sure, someone is very good looking and in shape, they must be so confident and have the most perfect life. WRONG. This could not be further from the truth. Just because they have looks, does not mean one bit that they are happy. I can’t exactly speak for those guys, but, I can imagine that, beacause of the way the gay community is, they believe that they should just rely on their body, and not their personality. They let their body do the talking, and not their minds. Personality is just, if not, more important than looks. I for one know I’d much rather enjoy a date/relationship which someone who can make me laugh, someone who is intelligent, is capable of forming their own opinions. Not someone who just looks pretty and just moulds into the picture society has painted.
The gay community is very much like high school, there are 100% cliques within the gay society, I’ve certainly fallen victim to wanting to be part of such cliques, because I have an overwhelming feeling that it will help me be accepted, when in reality, I just needed to accept myself. YOU DO NOT NEED THE VALIDATION OF OTHERS.
Sure, being in a clique means friends, but, are they really your friends? The honest answer is probably not, they’ll probably be pretending to be friends with you, but in reality, they’ll probably be bitching and making fun about you behind your back. People like that are not true friends. Thats the hard truth of the matter.
This fact definitely wasn’t made clear to me until I moved here to Australia. I remember saying to my friend Jordan that moving here really made me realise how… how delusional I was to think I could be friends with people that make me question my body image on a daily basis. People like that are absolutely toxic to you and need to be cut out of your life. IMMEDIATELY.
These issues worm their way into all kinds of situations, that aren’t even related to looks, but your personality, who are you as a person as your very core. because you want so desperately to fit in and adhere to societies image, you’ll do and say things that you don’t 100% agree with, just so that you have the same opinion as someone. Essentially, you are being a sheep, following the herd. I’ve definitely done it. I’m sure most people have.
I don’t feel confident in social environments, not completely anyways. For starters I use to be super quiet and shy around new people, because I so desperately wanted to be liked that I just didn’t want to say anything that someone might not agree with. In nightclubs I use to be very reserved, and if a guy even so much as looked at me, even if a friend told me that he was checking me out, I’d be thinking in my head that he was judging me, my hair, my clothes, whatever. And thats 100000% due to society telling us we aren’t good enough. I still to this day, think like this, especially when I am out with someone I deem to be more attractive than me.
Since moving here, I’ve definitely became a lot more confident. I dress how I want, I act how I want, and I sure as hell don’t let anyone tell me how to live my life, cause at the end of the day, its my life, no one else’s. But, I’m still not at the point I’d like to be. That being said, after years of self work and focusing on me as a person, I know that I can have an opinion, and even if its not one everyone agrees with, it still matters. People can agree, they can disagree, but at the end of the day, I will not let myself be swayed into changing my beliefs just to fit in with a certain crowd. Since moving here, I’ve definitely became a lot more confident in my looks. I dress how I want, I act how I want, I wear my make up more, and I sure as hell don’t let anyone tell me how to live my life, cause at the end of the day, its my life, no one else’s. But, I’m still not at the point I’d like to be.
I definitely have a good group of people in my life that value me and are actually true friends. And so do you. you might not think that you do or even realise that you do, but, you have someone. It just takes one person to make a difference. One person to ignite that spark that puts you on the path to realising that you are a beautiful, amazing human that is worthy of having everything they want in life. No matter who tries to get you down for whatever reason.
Looks aren’t everything. If you feel you want to make a change, then fine, but make that change for yourself and no one else. Don’t do it to try and fit into what we think society deems appropriate so that we can fit in. Everyone is different, everyone is unique, and thats okay.